KNB Presents Hamilton!
by KNBSnkLover
Summary: "Kurokocchi's tatas are amazing, and you're just jealous you'll never get a chance to appreciate them!" When Seirin High decides to put on a fundraiser play to sponsor their basketball team, chaos ensues as the Generation of Miracles is cast for the lead roles of Hamilton. Also Kise is only anal when it counts!


"Kuroko, what is the meaning of this?!"

Hyuuga's voice cuts into the room, but few pay him any attention. The Seirin gym-a normally quiet place with the exception of the thud of basketballs-has turned into a brightly-lit stadium packed with towering basketball elites whom were affiliated with none other than the Generation of Miracles.

"Hello, senpai," Kuroko Tetsuya says in his usual monotone, "I hope that you can overlook the short notice that I gave you and the rest of Seirin, but I called everyone here for a very important reason. The theater department is putting on a play."

Hyuuga raises an eyebrow. "A play? What do your Miracle friends have to do with it?!"

"Although it has an established arts program, Seirin is still a very small school," Kuroko answers, "Due to many happenstances, the regulars in the theater department have run into difficulty casting their play. I thought that turning it into an interschool affair would be the best course of action in helping them find auditioners."

Hyuuga groans loudly. "So let me get this straight: you've actually invited people from _other_ schools to participate in Seirin's play?"

"I thought that everyone having played basketball together gives us all some common ground," Kuroko responds politely, even though he isn't sure why Hyuuga insists on being straight about anything.

"In retrospect, it seems to be rather strenuous to cast, " he adds, "That is why I enlisted for help. It's actually a musical based off the popular Broadway show, _Hamilton_."

"An American show?" Hyuuga asks without really thinking. "Why not a Japanese classic?"

"I believe the Seirin theater department thought it would be fun to explore a different culture," says Kuroko.

"Well, it does seem as if American politics have been running on jokes for the past year or two," Hyuuga agrees, staring hopelessly into the void as a very hyped-up Kagami butts heads with a just-as-eager Aomine.

* * *

Indeed, the atmosphere inside the Seirin gym courses with excitement. _Hamilton_ had earned itself a legacy in stirring up the world, and the basketball players were eager to take their energy to new heights.

 _The room simply reeked of competition,_ Alex the director later brags happily to Himuro, the assistant director. _It was a complete madhouse of boys in there!_

"Who are you auditioning for, Kurokocchi?!" Kise yelps with excitement, practically bouncing off the walls after finally spotting the tuft of blue hair. Kuroko is willing to bet that he hasn't even so much as glanced at his script.

"Please give me some space, Kise-kun," says Kuroko, dodging Kise's attempt at a hug.

"That's mean, Kurokocchi!" Kise immediately begins to whine. "I haven't seen you in so long! I just wanted to touch you a bit!"

"Ki-chin should get his mind out of the gutter," Murasakibara says as he strolls over, munching rather loudly on a box of vanilla cookies. "Would you like a cookie, Kuro-chin?"

"Yes. Thank you, Murasakibara-kun," Kuroko replies, taking the offered cookie.

"Murasakibacchi! Can I have one too?"

"No, Ki-chin."

"Ssu~! Why not, Murasakibacchi?!"

"Because Ki-chin is a model, therefore he should be careful about what he puts in his body," is Murasakibara's response.

"That's… awfully considerate of you, Murasakibacchi. But it's still kind of unfair!"

"Thank you for coming out to Seirin, Murasakibara-kun," says Kuroko. "You must be tired after your long trip from Akita."

"Eh," Murasakibara shrugs, "Wasn't too bad. Aka-chin gave me and my team a lift in his helicopter."

"Ehhh?! That's too cool, Murasakibacchi!"

"What atrocious grammar you have been utilizing, Murasakibara," Midorima says as he and Takao approach the group.

"Hey y'all!" Takao winks, slinging a casual arm around Kuroko.

"Hello, Midorima-kun," Kuroko says, "Takao-kun.

"Takaocchi! How come _you_ get to touch Kurokocchi?!"

"Kuroko," Midorima nods his head. "Murasakibara. Greetings."

"Tch," Murasakibara says between mouthfuls.

"How come I was ignored?!"

"My apologies, Ryou-chan," Takao says, barely able to contain his laughter, "I still have to say hello to Kasamatsu-senpai!"

"How come everyone is being so mean to me today, ssu~?!"

"Our apologies, Kise-kun," says Kuroko. "We'll try to stick with our usual quota."

"Ehhhhhhhhhhhh Kurokocchi?!"

"I have to just say that I have no intentions of participating in the drama fest of another school," Midorima announces, as if he's been waiting for this moment all day. "It wasn't like I came here just to support you or anything of the likes. I just want to make sure that art will still be credible after having it molded in the hands of the lesser experienced."

"You can say what you want, Mido-chin, but we know there's nothing you want more than to rap all gangster-like underneath a wacky white wig with the ponytail you've always dreamt of having," Murasakibara says matter-of-factly.

Midorima's face steadily brightens into a ripe shade of red. "I dream of no such things!"

"Yeah, we all know that you have wet dreams about that Takao guy," Aomine chimes in.

"Aomine-kun, Kagami-kun," greets Kuroko as Midorima splutters incoherently. "It seems as if you have finished your headbutting competition."

"Oi, Kuroko! We were seeing who had the most mental strength!" Kagami says. "But I knew that I would win!"

"The hell, Bakagami! I thought we agreed that I won!"

"I am surprised that either of you could agree on anything," Midorima says. "Furthermore, mental strength is absolutely not determined by an activity as barbarous as headbutting."

"Oh please, that astronomy cult you're into is ancient history!"

Midorima whips around to Kagami, eyes flashing. " _Bakagami_ , _I am an artist_!"

"OI, WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!"

As the shouting escalates and Midorima calls the whole lot of them idiots, some of the guys who were looking to cure their boredom brings out a cart of basketballs.

It all ends though when either Aomine or Kagami is hit in the head with a basketball. Though nobody is sure who since the two took to immediately blaming the other, the gym erupts into war.

Kuroko sits on the benches next to Murasakibara. They munch on vanilla cookies, one of them occasionally piping up about the new flavors coming out.

"Who are you going to audition for, Kuro-chin?"

"Alexander Hamilton, Murasakibara-kun."

"Eh? Well then good luck, Kuro-chin."

"Thank you, Murasakibara-kun. There are lots for people vying for this position, but I will do my best. And even if I am unable to obtain it, I shall support the main actor from the side like a true shadow."

"That's nice, Kuro-chin. You could be a singing maid."

Kuroko gives Murasakibara a look. "I am not a woman, Murasakibara-kun."

Murasakibara licks his fingers. "I am well aware of that, Kuro-chin. But you might want to think about other roles you want since you won't get the part of Hamilton."

"I am baffled how Murasakibara-kun seems so certain of that," Kuroko says, a bit affronted.

Murasakibara shrugs as he noisily opens a new bag of vanilla cookies. _Munch munch munch._ "Aka-chin's going to audition as soon as he finishes some papers for his dad."

* * *

Takao overhears. _Here come datboi,_ he thinks, _Oshiete whaddup!_ He bows as low as he can without making it seem like he's sticking out his ass.

"Thank you!" he beams at Alex, who beams back while giving him a standing ovation.

"That was outstanding!" she gushes, attempting to make her way to the stage despite being held back by a furious Riko and an amused Himuro. "The best rendition of _Watch Me Shine_ that I've ever heard! _Werk it, gurl_!"

Riko shouts,"We're not supposed to show favoritism!" at the same time Takao promises, "Thank you, Alex-San! I promise if you pick me, I won't disappoint! I can sing and dance and I can even twerk if you want that!" The last statement makes both Riko and Himuro freeze, giving Alex a chance to escape from their mighty grasp and barricade her way onto the audition stage.

Her hands are warm and vivacious as she grabs onto Takao's and with a sudden gesture sweeps him off his feet, princess-style.

"Let's go pick out your costume, you big star!"

"Which role did Takao-kun get?" Himuro asks amidst his light chuckling.

"The perfect one!" Alex exclaims to a very surprised Takao, currently doubled over in laughter. "You're gonna love it!"

But before she got a chance to disclose the role, the next auditionee walked into the room after his patience had dried up.

"For my audition, I will be performing a classic masterpiece - TAKAO?!"

"Hi, Shin-Chan!" Takao waves to a stunned Midorima, who stands there with furrowed eyebrows and his mouth hanging open as Alex whisks him further and further away, the door on the opposite side of the theater.

"Bye, Shin-Chan!" He calls, giggling at the angry and confused look on Midorima's face that somehow resonates with him long after the auditions.

(After Alex carries Takao out, it takes Himuro and Riko quite a few tries to draw Midorima's attention back to the auditions again.)

* * *

Alex announces that after careful consideration, the roles in Hamilton had been cast. "But unfortunately due to the shortage of females who auditioned," she clicks her tongue, and Takao could have sworn she had a rather sly twinkle in her eyes for her voice seems to rise a pitch with cheerfulness, "We have decided to cast certain roles with emphasis on the actor's suitability instead of gender. Please look for your names on the cast announcement list!"

Takao enthusiastically searches for his own name among the throngs of people pushing each around other, feeling a slight pang of disappointment when he sees the word _Extra_ next to it. Alex had said she had the perfect role for him… (later he finds out that he was in consideration to play Hamilton along with other member, but ultimately the role was won out by Akashi Seijuro.)

But he couldn't let this stop him from performing, singing, and dancing to his potential. He would show everyone what Takao Kazunari was made of. In the middle of sipping the rest of his blue raspberry cola, his Hawk Eye happens to land on one memorable cast member: _Midorima Shintarou, George Washington_.

He almost spits a mouthful of soda onto the person beside him as his mind flashes back to the costume room Alex had shown him, where an array of powdered white wigs were surely awaiting the main cast members of the musical.

Snickering, he closes his eyes to imagine Midorima wearing an oversized, colonial wig of curls above the head of green hair, speaking fancy language and looking down upon the commoners. What amuses Takao the most is that it wouldn't be all that different from Midorima Shintarou just being himself.

Last but not least, just as he turns to leave, he notices something most of the crowd hasn't yet: _Kuroko Tetsuya, Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton_.

* * *

"I have a right to know the meaning behind this, Alex-San." Kuroko announces after basketball practice. He hadn't had a chance to look at the cast list yet but Kagami had asked him if he had been cast on purpose and Hyuuga had asked him similar weird questions. When Kuroko had seen the list, he'd taken off immediately without a glance at any of the other cast members.

"Now don't be angry with me, darling! You know I had more males than females and roles to cast, so I had to fill in the spots as best as I could. It's not as if I or any of the staff think of you as a woman or anything!"

"Ah forgive me then… but I am not sure if I could take the role."

"Aww, but you were so enthusiastic about your friends and their basketball players coming to put on this interhigh play! Besides, isn't this about fundraising for Seirin?"

"Yes, but... "

"Then it's settled, Kuroko! This is pure entertainment, put on for the sake of something you love! Besides, gender boundary shouldn't be an obstacle nowadays, especially for theater. You are an actor now, Kuroko Tetsuya. Embrace it! It'll be a lot of fun if you allow it to be!"

"...I still can't say I am enthusiastic, Alex-San."

"Riko and I were talking about asking the Seirin cafeteria adding milkshakes to their menu, that is, if we happen to get the necessary funds, of course," Alex states slyly.

Kuroko blinks. "Milkshakes?" As in...vanilla milkshakes?"

"Vanilla, strawberry, chocolate, the possibilities are endless! Just like the world of theater, darling."

"Who will be playing Alexander Hamilton, if I may ask?" In his haste he didn't really second-glance any of the other names.

Alex beams suspiciously. "Akashi Seijuro, of course! Not that everyone else's auditions weren't impressive, it's just that his left such an impression! That boy has got talent."

"Alex-San."

"Yes, darling?"

"I will do the play."

"That's awesome, darling! Practice begins next Monday after school in the Seirin theater!"

"Thank you, Alex-San. I mean no disrespect, but I prefer to be addressed as Kuroko Tetsuya."

"Why yes of course, Kuroko Tetsuya _darling!_ " Alex claps her hands. "You're going to make one beautiful co-star!"

* * *

The Generation of Miracles were among the first ones to find out about Kuroko's casting. Akashi, naturally, had informed Midorima with a smile on his face. The result was a shell-shocked Midorima who looked as if he had just passed up the chance to take a whiff of Takao's panties (or so he wishes).

"Shin-Chan, you look as if you've just seen a ghost!" Takao giggles after Midorima's inevitable stuttering moments ago. "Then again, you may be seeing one in a dress…wouldn't you like the sound of that?" Winky winky face.

"Stop this foolishness at once, Takao," Midorima glares down at his lucky item of the day, a box of vanilla crackers (courtesy of Kuroko, the new resident theater ghost).

* * *

"Man, it really sucks that there's like no chicks in this thing," Aomine says in his usual bored tone.

Kise pauses in applying his eyeliner. "I actually think it turned out for the better, Aominecchi! Kurokocchi is going to be Elizabeth. He's going to look really, really good a dress!"

"So?" Aomine grumbles. "Tetsu is as flat as Haizaki's ass."

"Ew, Aominecchi, don't talk about the ass that doesn't belong anywhere except jail," Kise finishes his wings with a little flick to each side, smiling at his reflection in the mirror.

"Where it will die shriveled and alone," Aomine adds in a mutter that Kise hears anyway.

" _Nice_. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, I bet that Kurokocchi will look amazing in his costume. He's gonna wear a dress and fake boobs and everything."

Leaving his makeup table, he proceeds to marvel over the costumes preserved in display.

"Oi Kise, stop sniffing Tetsu's tatas. It's really weird," Aomine yawns as he reclines the couch to its farthest capacity.

"Aominecchi! Don't address Kurokocchi's boobies so disrespectfully!" Kise says as Aomine gives him an are-you-kidding-me look.

"They're just basketballs, honestly."

"And such great ones!" Kise comments. "They're so smooth, and full, and new, and completely and utterly hard! These things are so amazing, they're doubling in roles as balls _and_ boobs!"

"Personally, I've seen bigger myself," Aomine mutters from under his magazine.

"Aominecchi, don't be so negative. I know that you're grumpy you got stuck as Kagamicchi's understudy for that meanie Aaron Burr guy, but insulting Kurokocchi's cup size is just unforgivable!"

"Are you out of your mind?" Aomine snaps. "I'm not going to play the character that kills Hamilton! Bakagami's got no escape from hell now. By the way, are you stupid? Tetsu is a _dude_. He has no tatas."

"Kurokocchi's tatas are amazing, and you're just jealous you'll never get a chance to appreciate them!"

"The fuck, Kise? Since when did you become so perverted?"

"Shut up, Ahominecchi!" Kise throws one of the basketballs at Aomine's head, which misses dreadfully and bounces off the couch. "That's rich coming from you! You're the biggest pervert I know, always hunting for other people's magazines!"

Aomine rolls his eyes. "It's not like you guys ever have anything good anyways."

"Ehhhhhhh? I don't know what you're talking about! My magazines are pretty fashionable, ~ssu!"

"Kise?"

"Yes, Aominecchi?"

"Your pantaloons are showing."

"Ehhhhhhh? But I don't wear pantaloons, Aominecchi?!"

"Then why are you so goddamn anal about everything?"

"HOW LEWD, AOMINECCHI! I'm not anal about everything, I'm only anal where it counts!"

Having sit up now, Aomine shoots him a look. "Is that so..."


End file.
